All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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