i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
