I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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