I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
