She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
