We're like a lot better than the average bears
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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