just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
