He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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