I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
