i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
