I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..