He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.