Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
