he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news