I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update