I smell stomach acid.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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