he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.