Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
