Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution