i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize