and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
