I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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