I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
