I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.