Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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