She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.