True but thats because hes a fetus.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
