Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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