I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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