I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?