dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.