He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
