the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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