So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
