Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
