Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
