apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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