Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
