I'm lost and stupid without you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
