Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
