I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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