ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
