Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found puke in my bra..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
