Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
