this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
