Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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