I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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