May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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