Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
