She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
