There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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