That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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