I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
