Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
