if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
