Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is classic penis vs brain.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
