I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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