I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
