one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
