Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
