everyone is single if you try hard enough
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
bring money and cleavage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
