How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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