Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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