he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
