i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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