4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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