listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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