drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
