i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
