I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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