Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
