he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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