All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
