sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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