PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
