it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
