I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
