Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

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(630): View more from Illinois

$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

(630): View more from Illinois

does taste better than andre tho

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(985): View more from Louisiana

At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(605): View more from South Dakota

Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I like the way you think.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?

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(702): View more from Nevada

dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos

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