i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.