I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
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i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry about my life...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.