Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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  (561): Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like. http://tfl.nu/svkw
  Replies (42) Good night (2855) Bad night (975)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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  (302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI. http://tfl.nu/3vpl
  Replies (42) Good night (1006) Bad night (7386)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7263) Bad night (943)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever

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  (208): We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever http://tfl.nu/81xl
  Replies (30) Good night (8887) Bad night (948)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.

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  (239): yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day. http://tfl.nu/xjz6
  Replies (13) Good night (4852) Bad night (679)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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  (401): I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper? http://tfl.nu/78fg
  Replies (2) Good night (1094) Bad night (2591)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table

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  (508): Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table http://tfl.nu/id1h
  Replies (10) Good night (4541) Bad night (1225)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.

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  (206): Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit. http://tfl.nu/8fs8
  Replies (9) Good night (4192) Bad night (817)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.

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  (717): The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot. http://tfl.nu/h8z2
  Replies (6) Good night (2916) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
  Replies (6) Good night (1035) Bad night (2300)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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  (907): Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life http://tfl.nu/0u5y
  Replies (2) Good night (1582) Bad night (543)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.

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  (+27): My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like. http://tfl.nu/slfh
  Replies (3) Good night (466) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions

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  (248): This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions http://tfl.nu/bezn
  Replies (0) Good night (561) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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  (306): He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/1jgc
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".

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  (774): Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs". http://tfl.nu/b7z8
  Replies (2) Good night (131) Bad night (375)

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