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we have pet lesbian snakes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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