My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.