did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.