I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
