fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
