It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
