I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
