I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize