the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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