So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's get the cat blown out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize