the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
