I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
