ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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