No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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