you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize