she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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