it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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