Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
