Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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